Why Are You So Mean?

How To Stop The Mean Girl In Your Head

A client said something to me last week that stopped me in my tracks.

She said, “I feel like I’m being dragged through May.”

Then she listed it out:

Mother’s Day planning. Three book fairs. Three school field days. Ordering yearbooks. Two separate ABC countdowns. Work. Karate. Soccer. Groceries. Laundry. Life.

And then she said, “I feel like a failure because I can’t keep up.”

Hearing this from moms is common in my office. You take an impossible list of responsibilities—more than any one person could realistically manage—and when you struggle under the weight of it, you don’t get compassionate. 

You get cruel. 

You call yourself a failure. 

You punish yourself in your own head. 

You say things you would never say to a friend. 

You set impossible standards, and then beat yourself up when you can't meet them. 

This harsh inner dialogue has become so normalized, most moms don’t even realize how mean they’re being to themselves.

Let’s be clear:

• If you're losing your mind, it's because you're lost in a never-ending loop of doing everything for everyone.

• If you can’t access self-kindness, it’s probably because your mind is completely full of everything else.

• You can only do what you have the capacity for. Nothing more.

  
  

And honestly? No one should be expected to manage this much.

It’s no wonder moms are so hard on themselves. The mental, physical, and emotional load is relentless.

I found myself in the same boat recently—overcommitted, under-rested, and snapped at my kids over something minor. Old story. But instead of spiraling in guilt and shame, I stopped. I watched some mindless TV, gave myself a break, and promised to repair things with them in the morning.

This wasn’t perfect. It was human. And it was enough.

Because this is what self-care really looks like—it’s not spa days and bubble baths (although that is nice too!).

It’s the way you talk to yourself in the quiet moments.

If you’re stuck in the same cycle, here are 5 ways to start being a little less mean to yourself:

1. Recognize the pattern.

Notice when your inner critic gets loud. Ask yourself: Is what it’s saying even true?

2. Create space.

Watch a show. Go for a walk. Lie down.Not everything has to be “productive.” You are allowed to rest.

3. Course correct.

When you mess up (because you will), own it. Apologize. Repair. Then keep going. Don’t stay stuck in the shame spiral.

4. Lower the bar.

You are not a machine. Stop trying to meet impossible standards. Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should.

5. Surround yourself with support.

You don’t have to figure this all out alone.

If your inner voice is tearing you apart and the load you're carrying is just too heavy—reach out.

I help moms just like you break the cycle of self-criticism and build new ways of thinking.Let’s get you support that feels like support.

Book a free call with me here  

You're not failing. You're just doing way too much without enough care for yourself. Let's change that—together.