The Beauty Of A Boy Mom

As a therapist and boy mom, life can be really beautiful, hectic and scary.  I love being a mom to my boys yet I find myself wrestling with the notion that one day things are going to change between me and the babies who I birthed, read books to, and attended to their every need. Sure, everyone goes through this as a parent, but unique only to moms of boys is this notion: that one day, when my sons marry, I’ll be replaced.

It’s a scary thought. I think a lot about what this means for me as a mother and sometimes I wonder- what’s wrong with boys being close to their moms forever?

Let’s be honest: it's completely acceptable for grown women to vent, cry, and call their moms for advice, support, or even to just talk about their day. But when it comes to boys? There’s this unspoken rule that, at some point, they’re expected to distance themselves from their mothers. As soon as they find a partner, they’re supposed to turn to her for everything. The narrative shifts from “my mom always knows what’s best” to “my wife is now the center of my world.” 

Did you ever wonder why we accept women calling their moms regularly for advice and support but not men?

Why is it seen as "too much" when a man still seeks his mother’s wisdom? As moms, we’re their first emotional support system. We nurture them, help them grow, and show them what love looks like. The way we raise our boys is the reason why another girl wants to marry them in the first place! And yet, when they grow up, there’s this expectation that they’ll just cut that connection in favor of their new partner.

I want my boys to have healthy, strong relationships with their future partners. But I also want them to know that they don’t have to completely let go of the bond we’ve built. Being close to your mom isn’t a weakness; it’s a source of strength. It’s okay to lean on her, even as a grown man. In fact, having multiple sources of emotional support can only make relationships stronger.

I wonder if the issue here is not between a mother and her son, but it’s really an issue between women. Sometimes I have to ask myself, is this because as women we need to feel like we are the only source of connection a man can have? Is it possible that women feel threatened by their partner’s closeness to his mother? 

And worse off, are we, as moms, unintentionally contributing to this dynamic by feeling like we need to step aside as soon as someone else enters the picture? It’s a delicate balance, but it’s worth thinking about.

I can't be the only one who sobs as they read this book!

Every parent knows that one day we will have to let our children grow. I know it’s part of the process, yet I feel like it stings just a little bit more for mothers of boys. Am I alone in this?

I doubt I am so as a boy mom and a therapist, here’s what I’ve come up with:

Yes, our boys will grow up. Yes, they will find love and their lives will change. But that doesn’t mean we disappear. I’m going to raise my boys knowing that they can always confide in me—even as grown men.  When the time comes to share them with another woman, I’ll remind myself that I’m still their mother, and that bond doesn’t just vanish. I will make every effort to create a close relationship with them as a grown man the norm. And I will work even harder to create that boundary with my future daughter in law so that she understands that we both have a main role in their lives.

I have come to accept that my importance in my son’s lives doesn’t change forever. It evolves. And that’s a beautiful thing.

You are never alone in your parenting, the fear of change, or the overwhelm that comes with being a caretaker. Ready to talk to someone who truly understands? Take your first step and book a free consultation today HERE.